I stopped blogging for awhile, but I promise I’m back and plan to keep it up this time. There’s so much to say about relationships and "getting inside a man’s mind,- so I know I’ll never run out of material. I’m going to start at the beginning and see if we can’t make some headway into having lasting, loving relationships without playing by the so-called "rules,- or following formulas that rarely if ever work. Today, I want to start with all the stuff that keeps us from having a loving relationship.

Have you noticed that the relationship you are in, or were in, picked up where the last relationship left off? If that’s the case, then a pattern is simply repeating itself. The Universe is extremely patient. If you don’t get a lesson, guess what it will do? Bam! Take that! You are going to get the same lesson again and again until you do. Yes, the faces may change, the names may change, but it’s the same deal, just packaged differently.

Are you really that pathetic? Ah, well, yeah. But that’s why we are here. To grow, to learn, to move beyond our old ways into a new paradigm shift. In order to release this type of programming, all you have to do is recognize it. Notice how attached your concepts and emotions are to past situations. Enlightenment means letting go. Easier said than done, I know. So how do you accomplish this?

Let’s go back to the foundation of your beliefs. If they are flawed, perhaps you are still rooted in your past mistakes. Subconsciously, your past experiences still have a huge impact upon how you perceive yourself in the present and, therefore, in the future. Really, though, all you have to do is pay attention to your thoughts. Most women wonder why they aren’t in a relationship, but when I ask them what their train of thought is, it goes something like this: I’ve tried before, and it’s never worked out. Who am I to deserve love? The relationship I want would require too many sacrifices and I probably wouldn’t get it in the end anyway. I’m too old, who would want me now? I’m competing with twenty-two year olds who look great and I don’t stand a chance. I’m afraid I’ll never fall in love. I’m afraid that I will fall in love.

When negative beliefs start popping up with your self-talk, try this: When you say something similar to, "I have never had a successful relationship with a man,- or "I’ll never meet anyone,- or "Who would want me,- etc., immediately, follow-up the sentence with, "That’s fine. My new belief about men is,¦I know I can have a successful relationship with a man, I trust in the Universe that I will meet someone, and the perfect man is waiting for me.-

Since your own common complaints perpetuated your limitations, turn your statements around, so that you are not attracting more of the same. Tread carefully, when you twist your words with a positive spin. The ego will always try to bend your thoughts in such a way that it remains in control, keeping you trapped within your own prison bars. To avoid this Alcatraz for your soul, do not, repeat, do not, attempt to manipulate your mind with a false sense of confidence. Saying things, such as, "I want to win that man, I want to do it my way, I want to make the rules,- can do more harm than good. All of these seemingly innocent statements are reiterating that you want to have power over yourself and others. No, no, no, ladies. None of these attitudes will make your life better, just more complicated. That’s because they are loaded with anger, fear and greed.

You have unwittingly allowed the ego to wrap you up in its own circle of hatred, a circle that never starts or ends, but spins around endlessly, leaving you hopeless and weak, and oh so dizzy. Intuitively recognizing this is all you need to do to stop the merry-go-round and jump off.

Listen to yourself. The minute you hear a negative remark lurking beneath your thoughts, erase the tape, and record a different message. Destroy the thoughts that hold you back and replace them with new ones. Letting go of our past baggage, and all the crap you’ve been carrying around in it, also means destroying the old tapes. I’m sure you’ve given yourself plenty of negative ideas, so here are just a few of the positive ones I’d like you to replace them with:

I deserve love and sexual pleasure.

I naturally attract loving relationships into my life.

I am now ready for the perfect mate to enter my life.

I am now divinely irresistible to all those I meet.

Men love me.

I love men.

If at first, you feel this is silly, that deep down inside you don’t believe the new ideas you are feeding yourself, I don’t care. Say them anyway. Feel them anyway. Sooner or later, the ideas will begin to rub off on you. If you see yourself us unworthy of love, see yourself as worthy, know you are worthy. Refuse to buy into the preconditioned person you once were.

Remember that failure is a vital part of achieving any success. Instead of holding on to the past, thank it. After all, it taught you something valuable. With any difficult situation that occurred, take a minute to sit quietly and meditate on it. Ask your intuition what you learned from it. What qualities did it enable you to deal with, i.e., compassion, forgiveness, trust? Then imagine a feeling of love and warmth surrounding it. If you still feel you can’t let it go, ask your intuition if there is anything else you could do to resolve this issue once and for all.

Love will come by itself, if you remove the obstacles. It’s time to get out of your own way and make room for the man of your dreams.

Question: I just met a guy online and we’ve been communicating. We were finally going to meet and he said to be honest. So I was. I told him all about my ex-husband and other disastrous relationships in the hopes that he would not do the same. We had one date and I never saw him again. What went wrong? – M.J., Laguna Beach, CA

Dear Ms. Spill Your Guts: Almost every one of the men I spoke to said that they don’t appreciate getting a rundown of all the things he can’t say or do. If a woman is being defensive and guarded, it makes them feel as if they should be defensive and guarded. A few said it almost sounded as if you were opening up to say, well, they did this to me, you better not do it to. Who wants to hear that? Also, it sounds as if you were hoping he would open up about his past the way you did. No man likes to be questioned about their past that fast. Interrogating them is not the answer. They don’t want to feel as if they are being interviewed for a job.

The message? If you use your intuition to step out of the situation, you will likely find that you inadvertently projected all of your past relationship issues at him. But they are your issues, madam. He is not your ex-husband, or your ex-anyone. No man wants to pay for some other man’s mistakes.

"TUNE HIM IN, TURN HIM ON, Using Your Intuition To Find And Keep The Man Of Your Dreams," is a systematic program for developing your intuition and practically applying it toward finding and keeping the man of your dreams. This book shows you how to make a date and turn it into forever. To find out more visit www.servethasan.org.

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